A mixed bag

Today is the first day of 2018. It’s a good day to reflect on the year that was, and the year that is ahead.

I’ll remember 2017 as a mixed bag. I had some wonderful experiences, like playing a doubleheader at the Field of Dreams, taking my daughter Kalena to the Pentatonix concert at the Iowa State Fair and taking Kalena on vacation to Washington, D.C., a place she had never been but wanted to go to, and a place I had been to but longed to return to.

I embraced a new passion. I went from being a curious journalist at a paranormal investigation to the lead investigator for the Dubuque chapter of Odyssey Paranormal Society (OPS), based out of the Twin Cities. It’s been an amazing opportunity to put my journalism, critical thinking and deductive logic skills to work, and I can’t thank OPS director Michael O’Neil enough for giving me the chance to do this.

Some friends drifted out of my life, for various reasons, while I gained new friends, many from my weekend at Paracon, a paranormal convention held in October at the Shooting Star Casino in Mahnomen, Minn. Not only did I get to interact with royalty of the paranormal investigative world, but I made true connections with people who are passionate about paranormal investigation like I am. It was refreshing to have so many awesome people come into my life.

I started to do freelance writing, editing, photography, graphic design and social media content creation and management work. It’s a creative outlet I enjoy, and hope to do more in 2018.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, 2017 was a mixed bag. All the memories weren’t good ones. I continued to struggle with the deaths of my mom and brother, trying to put their absence into context. I spent much time reflecting on why my only brother would have taken his own life just a few days before his 40th birthday. We will never know the answer, and that will haunt me forever.

I continue to struggle with a couple other issues, which I am not going to get into here, that affect my daily life. It feels like they are constant, and there’s no solution for them, but I know I have to keep searching. I owe it to myself to do that. One way or another they have to get resolved.

I am not perfect. I have character flaws that need work. I often lack patience, I don’t feel obligated to interact with others and I have a low tolerance for disrespect. I plan to work on these in 2018, but at the same time, I am not going to change who I am or what I stand for or believe in.

For 2018, I want to be happier. I want to enjoy life more. I want to embrace the good times and avoid the bad when possible. I need to find my way.