Seconds are letters; minutes, words; hours, sentences; days, paragraphs; weeks, pages; years, chapters.
After almost four years of marriage, I am starting a new chapter, in a new book called bachelorhood.
My marriage ended on Aug. 7. When I got married for the second time, I never expected it to end. I certainly didn’t plan to be going back to being a bachelor after only four years. In a way, these past four years have been the most difficult chapter of my life, and not solely because my second marriage didn’t last.
The day after returning from my honeymoon, I fell 8.5 feet off my roof onto concrete, breaking an arm and five bones in my back. I didn’t see the electrical cord had caught on the ladder and detached the safety mechanism. While painful, I recovered in time, but every once in a while, my body shares with me a nagging reminder of my folly. Four years later, I’ve learned to pay more attention to detail.
In 1998, my mom had an aortic tear near her heart. The condition could have been fatal, but miraculously, it healed on its own, and my mom lived on. In September 2015, that same condition came back, and my mom had to have emergency surgery to fix it. Without the surgery, she knew she would die. We and she knew that the surgery was also a risk. That didn’t prepare us, however, for the chaplain shepherding us into a private room, or for the doctor coming in more than an hour later to share with us the news… while the surgery was successful, doctors weren’t able to get my mom’s heart to beat on its own, or her lungs to work independent of machines. She didn’t make it out of surgery. I was the last family member to speak with her, the night before she died. I will remember that phone conversation for the rest of my life. I said goodbye to my mom, not knowing it was for the last time. Three years later, I’ve learned to not take family and friends for granted. Ever.
In June 2016, my only brother, no longer able to battle his demons, committed suicide less than a week from his 40th birthday. He lived 15 hours away and no one knew he was contemplating his ultimate demise. He was a strong man who would do anything for anyone. Two years later, I’ve learned to be tuned in to friends, and be there to help them when in need. Because when you’re in that predicament, you want them to be there for you.
And then there’s my marriage. Yes, it’s over, but my ex wife and I had some amazing times. A few days removed from the divorce being final, I realize that I need to live life in the moment, and do what makes me happy first. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of others.
I have a guide to live by, consisting of 11 rules created after hours of contemplation. And over this four-year chapter of my life, I’ve come away with life lessons that will fit in well with where I am going, wherever that may physically, mentally and emotionally be.
One place I will never be again, up on the roof. When I fall in this thing we call life, and I will, I want to be able to get back up and move on, mostly intact and having learned another lesson to carry with me along the way.
On to the next chapter.
WINTER WONDERS 